The Story of my Journal

-
       Yes. I had a Journal when I was around 15. Well it lasted for less than 4 days. Not that I stopped writing. Only that my sister tore it up into pieces and it was in the garbage the next morning. When I asked her, she told mom asked her to do it. I wasn't shocked honestly.
       How many people have told you to start a Journal? Too many right? Or Nobody? I didn't know why people used to keep Journals. Is it so hard to remember what you ate today morning , after 20 years? It's not. It's freaking easy. So why do we need Journals. I remember I used to think that I will, for sure remember what I'm feeling right now as I'm walking down the road next to my crush. I don't have to write it down. I feel funny and I'm gonna remember it forever.
       But I don't think I remember it today or maybe even the day after that, about what I exactly felt. I even forgot who that person is. I'm not saying that that was the defining moment that led me to start writing Journals. No. It was kind of an on and off relationship. My mom was the enemy every time. I didn't wanted my mom to read it, like any sane person. But somehow she used to get a hold of it and read it thoroughly and use it against me the next time I messed up. Classic moms.
       When I really wanna write something I just grab a book and start writing. Doesn't matter where I am and what I am doing. It's one thing I can count on any day to express myself. Rereading it makes me calm and understand what I am thinking and what I can do or not do. Talking helps, yes, but writing is like ranting about stuff and not getting judged. 
       One day by mistake I poured the salt all over the floor. And my mom was right there. I was freaking out, cause you know spilling salt is bad luck here. As I expected, all hell were let loose that day. She didn't touch me but she couldn't stop screaming at me until the next morning or until I left for school. I know I deserve that, maybe, but heck I was only 15. In school I was so angry that day, I was almost shivering. The only way I knew to calm myself down was to write. Mid class I started writing in a small pocket book I had with me. I filled it in 5 minutes and just sat blankly. Or calmly having nothing else left to think about.
       That small little pocket book was the one that was in the garbage the next week. Mom read it. There were some pretty angry sentences obviously and really, really descriptive. I don't think we ever talked about why she did it. I just went on with my day trying to forget that she just read something I didn't want anyone to read. It took me many months to go back to writing. She found my books few times and the same thing repeated. I never confronted her nor she ever did ask me to stop writing. I was scared of her or maybe just didn't want her to start speaking again about anything really. The less I heard her voice the more sane I remained.
     


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Every Sub-Plot Ever

-
              I know I haven't written in almost a month, but due this lock-down everyday is same as the one before. There is no change and hence nothing to write about. I've been spending lots of time studying and streaming movies like everybody else. Actually I just finished watching a movie right now and that is kind of what prompted me to write this post.      Have you ever seen a movie where the protagonist is a huge mess but someone comes along and it'll all get better in less than half an hour? How can you have not. It's basically a sub-plot in every movie ever made. I've seen more than my share of movies and this was always the sad after thought. I mean, will my life be a mess till I find someone too? Until then what? Give up?       That sounds too sad, I know. But it also made me think if, all it took was noticing the mess in our life and trying to make things straight, why haven't we already done it. It means I could have lived the life I wanted, the m
Read more

INTRODUCTION

-
    Hi all, thanks for coming here. Like many other blog post I'll be writing about my life here. So what makes it different? I am a writer and I see life in different light. I've had ups and downs and also a steady life. I don't particularly have an interesting life but I make it interesting. I'm funny, sarcastic and little mean. I use it to get through any boring situation in my life.     I'm a movie buff so you'll be seeing a lot of references to classic movies and maybe I'll tell you about some of my favorite one's if you want. Because I have seen all the movies from late 1920's to recent one's and now I have nothing else to watch. So I moved on to TV Series. Since I have a month free due to the pandemic I intend to watch only those which have less seasons. I had already watched F.R.I.E.N.D.S and I loved it. When I wanted to watch something of the same sort Google recommended me to watch The Office but it is so long and has so many epi
Read more

Poem for my friend.

-
I read this poem somewhere and it perfectly reflects the way I felt. So here you go.                                                                            When Tomorrow Started Without You                                                  When tomorrow started without you I felt so much alone I know I shouldn’t cry The way I did that day Thinking of the many things We never got to say I know how much you love me As much as I love you And each time that I think of you I know you miss me too But when tomorrow started without you I couldn’t understand That an angel came and called your name And took you by the hand He said your place was ready In heaven far above But that you’d have to leave behind All of us you dearly love As I walked on past you A tear fell from my eye For in all those years I’d never thought One day I’d watch you die You had so much to live for So much yet to do It seemed so unbelievable That your time on earth was up I thought of all the yesterdays The good ones a
Read more