Break Downs and Passions

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          I've been having a series of break downs last couples of weeks. Precisely after the lock down started. It's just that I've had lots of time on my hands and hence lots of time to think. It's quite nice if you have something to think about. I had a different problem. I had million thoughts racing through my mind a second. I was thinking about everything and essentially nothing at the same time. But it's not uncommon, it has happened before, only differences was I could go out to distract myself. But now I can only stare at the screen for only so long before I start to see my reflection on the screen. Then suddenly reality, the only thing I'd be running away from, hits me. And all kinds of emotions starts to rush in and I start to cry. After few minutes when I pull myself together I try to remember why I cried and I realize I have no freaking clue. That's one of my many kinds of break downs recently. It's true what they say - you can never escape your thoughts. 
         Stressed and depressed I thought I'll rearrange my thoughts and see what the problem is. Off the top of my head was about my placements coming up, worried I'll never be able to travel the world, stressed that I don't know what I want to do with my life, insecurities, my love life and basically just life.
          I don't know, I feel like I'm not doing enough to be happy but also never stopped for a minute to think about it. I mean what makes me happy?, what do I even want? It's supposed to be easy right, answering what I want. Turns out it is the major source for my problems. Because I'm at a age where  I should know what I need or what I want to do in my life. It's the last chance to take a chance, last chance to make mistakes, last chance to put everything on the line and take risks cause right now I don't own a thing. But that "last chance" is stressing me out... what if I follow the wrong path? I can't come back and choose the right one or  what if I'm waiting for a sign that I've already missed? See what I'm talking about? Isn't it terrifying? This is one of those many thoughts that makes me break down. 
           But all is not lost, cause I broke down all my thoughts to matters and asked the questions I should have asked in the beginning. What makes me happy? I don't want to be rich or I don't want to be famous, I don't want to over work or not work at all. Simply put I want to work in a field I'm passionate about. I know you would've guessed it, but again it's easy to solve others problems than our own. So I'll try to take it chill and wok on whatever is on my hand and hopefully one day, soon enough, I'll find my passion.
            

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