Youth and Adddiction

                Do you walk around feeling you know everything and there's literally nothing else that you can learn about (even though you subconsciously know you have literally no skills to get a job) or have you at least been there? What do you call it? Being a teenager or being stupid?

          I mean even if we take out the job factor I still do walk around like I freaking know everything. I fool others so easily. Because for most of the part I go along and try to throw one or two sentences in just to show that I know what I'm talking about or what's being discussed. I haven't even thought this blog through, I'm going with the flow. Or what my parents call, half-assing. Between you and me? I think they are probably right. If I knew I would be writing this at 3 in the morning I wouldn't have believed it myself. But here I am writing everything down because I'm pretty sure I won't remember a thing in the morning. So what was I doing the whole day? I myself have no clue, I just checked the calendar to see the date. Because I'm stuck at March 15 from three months. Not a single day has passed, at least not a day that I'm proud of. I haven't done one thing right. I keep telling myself that if I knew that the lock-down would be extended for 3 months then I would have worked on a project or at least kept a strict schedule. But then it hit me, that neither would have helped. I have to accept that I'm lazy, not driven, half-assing, unrealistically ambitious person. I think I should try to work around my "moods" rather than working with a fixed schedule. 

           Coming back to what I did toady (or basically for the last three months) is staring at my laptop from exactly 4 in the afternoon (an hour after I wake up) to 5 in the morning. Cycle repeats until I try very hard to sleep early and it works for two days. But the next day I'll find a new show to obsess over and won't sleep before I watch all related videos on it on the Internet. And then again cycle repeats with every new show I find. It's not always the shows, sometimes I get obsessed with eating and when I think I've pushed through that, then I'll be addicted to social media, and if I overcome that, then maybe it will be staying out or worse I might find a person interesting and obsess over them. I don't think people or at least me, will ever get over their addiction. It just passes from one kind to another. It's a huge struggle everyday to find what is really making me happy and differentiate it with the few seconds of content/happiness that I get after watching a video on how Kylie Jenner sang to her daughter that morning. I know that I need to stop clicking on every video that is half interesting as the title is, but yet I do and regret it after wasting a whole day without knowing it's passed. Like I said, I know everything there is to know. But how is it helping me?

        Or am I good at fooling myself too?

PS: I've read through this and I can solemnly swear that it is up to no good. I think I might have half-half-assed (quarter assed) it. Why do what parents think we do right? Go the extra mile.